Day 2- What's love without tragedy?

Since yesterday, I always experience these acute attacks of apnea-like sensation every time I remember how me and my partner had ended up. It kind of feels like the mechanics of my own breathing now demanded conscious awareness and ceased from working involuntarily, making each cycle of ventilation a pain in the ass. These feelings seem to consume me, like gush of water bursting open into the dam. I was helplessly caught off guard. I honestly didn't see this coming. 

What really haunts me is the fact that I'm going to live my life now without him on it. We were too ambitious to plan on getting to places since we both love to travel, not knowing that our relationship was approaching its dusk already. What about the movies that we planned to watch? The family gatherings that we both vowed to attend together? The words of infinite love which were left unspoken? The promised obligation that we will be taking care of each other no matter what happens? Too late. 

Hey. Don't dream, it's over. 

I haven't heard from him since this morning. And it kills me.

DAY 1: How painful is painful?

I am sort of experiencing some kind of pain right now that no pain scale ever invented can actually gauge. Today, I was confronted by my partner that he did cheat on me behind my back.

I don't know what to feel at the moment. I  also have my own share of shortcomings when it comes to our relationship. I have committed mistakes in the past that I have regretted doing up until now. I broke his heart a couple of times before and made a vow to God that I will not do the same mistakes again. I tend to neglect him when I get too caught up with the demands of my studies and promised that I will make it up to him once I'm freed with all the academic requirements I have on my plate. These imperfections on my part had indeed made me question if I do have the right to feel frustrated when I found out that he was cheating on me.

I digress to what the famous Beyonce told Lady Gaga that 'trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broke' while I nod in approval when the latter replied  "but you can still see that crack in that motherf*cker's reflection'. 

The man I trusted for nearly two years now proved to me that he was the person I thought he never was. That even his name that you once equate with purity could also be stained.  That everyone is bound to break their sacred promises. That everyone can't be trusted.

While I confess that I'm still in love with this person whom I trusted for years now, I seem to feel lost on how I can revert back our glory days. It's as if every piece of matter in the surface of the earth reminds me the fact that I once trusted somebody, but got busted in the end. How can I live the reality that I am indeed having difficulty in pressing on to whatever is left in our relationship? To rekindle the dying fire under unprecedented rains?

Time heals all wounds. I just have to be strong right now. I can make it through the rain.