Farewell To A Loving Grandfather

Death, for the medical profession, to which I consequently belong to, is the cessation of the bodily processes, a phenomenon wherein the heart stops beating, and the brain can no longer fulfill its various functions which are deemed vital for one's survival. This marks the onset of bereavement among those who have survived him.

Losing a loved one is definitely one of the downsides of humanity. Isn't it painful to be detached to someone you hold so important, and somehow had played a vital role in your life? As rational beings, created by God in His image and likeness, we are capable of forming emotional bonds/attachment within each other, thus making separation a lot more unbearable, with the pain a lot worse than the pain of a mother in labor, or having your fragile body being sliced for operation without a working anesthesia. No amount of anesthetic products can numb the pain of a bereaved. But as the cliche goes, 'Time heals all wounds'. We will eventually be able to get through this over time.In God's perfect time. 

Death is a particular topic that almost all of us would not want to talk about. We may feel it is morbid to think about death, but actually it's unhealthy to live in denial of death and not consider what is inevitable. 

But death, rather the end, is just the beginning of life- in eternity. As St. Francis of Assisi has preached, 'It is in dying that we are born again to eternal life'. This life is not all there is. Life is just a temporary assignment. Life on Earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production. It is the practice workout before the actual game, the warm up lap before the race begins. 

Tonight, we are all gathered here to collectively relive the memories of our fallen brother in faith, Jesus 'Jessie' Regala. In this particular moment of unprecedented grief, let us all savor the memories that we've had with him, and willingly set aside our differences so that we may be able to attain sublime peace and tranquility deep within the walls of our dolorous hearts. We may not be able to again see his soulful eyes gleam before us, or his comely smile greeting us with great hope, his reminiscences will remain as lucid as the shine of the brightest star God has ever made. One day, we will all be reunited again with him and will share together the paradise that God had promised to believers. But please, not too soon...

*This was my introductory speech during the Necrological Service/Eulogy conducted on the night of February 25, 2012, the day before my grandfather was about to be buried.

JESUS 'JESSIE' FLORES REGALA
OCTOBER 9, 1935-JANUARY 30, 2012

Paradox of Solitary Happiness

Around this time of the month, lovers will probably be on their toes preparing for the upcoming Valentine’s day. Almost all magazines of different varieties will be brandishing teasers like ‘How to memorably spend your V-day with him/her’ in gleaming bright letters, framing a photo of a happy couple romantically looking at each other. When I was in High school and College, it has been a common sight during this occasion to see a parade of brightly colored flowers, humongous and fluffy stuffed toys and interestingly shaped balloons on campus grounds. Sweeps of women carrying large bouquets of flowers wrapped in strong shades of red and pink paper would be marching on their classes, carefully cradling the love presents in their arms, like holding fragile items of wilting value. Men would most of the time, be the equally proud bearers of such objects, because they either view it as a solid pronouncement of their affection, or it just shows how much moolah they can splurge on such fancies. Valentine’s day is truly a season wherein everything seems to be painted in red.

While a number of those people who are single treat Feb 14 as synonymous to judgment day or doomsday, I myself seem to be unfazed by it. You can never catch me lamenting over the ‘misfortune’ of having a zero love life, specifically during this time of the year. I never felt so sorry for myself, nor did I ever cast envious glances at lovers whom I occasionally see caressing each other in a corner, and as if mentally telling them the phrases ‘don’t patronize me! I’m happy being single’. Matters like these were often cold-shouldered by me.

Over the years, I have experienced the perks of being single. I’ve gotten the chance to focus more on myself and appreciate my freedom to simply do what I wish. I have exercised the sheer authority to put every aspect of my life in their proper perspectives. Spending my time in solitude actually allowed me to accept, appreciate and love myself more. I may sound like a self-absorbed individual, but I can’t deny the sublime wonders it has brought into my life.

In a sense, I have bought my autonomy with a good amount of loneliness. And there, I think, is where the paradox lies.

This odd feeling has come over me, as if I have been suspended in midair, with no way to gain purchase on the ground far below. It has taken its toll already, consuming a huge proportion of my existence. Years of feigning happiness has remarkably devoured my self worth. Deriving genuine happiness from isolation is an oxymoron.

It all boils down to a single question- when will I ever let myself love and be loved again? I certainly cannot answer it right know. The tragic memories of the past were as lucid as the smell of my coffee sitting idly here on my table.

As I think about it, a stifling panic strikes me with a realization of my greatest fear – that is if I could ever take the pain of having my heart broken for the same damn reason.